Full-Time Ninjas

In getting an indie movie made, half the work seems to be just getting over the firewalls in getting your script to the right people. Once you find a movie’s “champion” doors get blasted open. But talented people are surrounded by managers, agents and lawyers whose job it is to filter and focus their clients from the crazies. The best analogy I have heard of this is getting your script into the hands of a “champion” is like trying to get a beautiful woman’s number as she walks to her car in an alley full of axe murderers- and you look like every other axe murderer.

One of our strategies for pole vaulting over the firewall is to create custom video pitches for talent that we would love to work with. And so we present to you our first pitch video to Danny McBride. If you don’t know who Danny is you haven’t seen a good comedy in the last year. From Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express to literally the funnies show on TV in HBO’s East Bound and Down, Danny is the man. It’s like his natural persona just kind of seeps into the roles he plays and he never seems like he is trying to be funny. He just is that friend in college that was just on a roll anytime anywhere.

If you check out the pitch keep in mind it was not created for you. We created concept art, business cards and even made a video game character for one man. Mr. McBride. Oh and if you are easily offended DON’T WATCH THIS as while our movie is PG-13 this video dips into R for the sake of knowing our audience of one.

Look, we’re realist. He is busy shooting “Your Highness” right now in Ireland and just signed on to “Hench” so if he even sees it in the inbox it will be a Hail Mary pass. But we can confirm through an old “On The Lot” friend that it was emailed to him. We’ll keep you posted on the quest but c’mon Danny, just click on the triangle…

Adam and I have known for awhile about the upcoming N.P.C.R (Ninja Pop Culture Resurgence) hence us spending two years of our lives writing and rewriting Full-Time Ninjas until it hummed like a comedic panther. But we have been tracking other ninja movies on the radar as well, including Ninja Assassin produced by the Wachowski’s, and Ninja Scroll, executive produced by Leonardo DiCaprio. But the only other ninja comedy on the horizon was from Jason Reitman (Juno, Thank you For Smoking) who is developing Bonzai Shadowhands with Rainn Wilson (The Rocker). As ninja honor goes, we would have to kill all those involved in such a rival project. Little did I know I would actually have the chance as I found myself face to face with Mr. Reitman… ninja star in hand.

 You see, our hometown of St. Louis MO has been invaded by Hollywood and in fact has a new mayor: George Clooney. Every housewife and drama teacher has been in heat trying to get a whiff of his pheromones as Dr. Ross is in town shooting a movie “Up in the Air” written and directed by… Jason Reitman. We thought about blow-darting him when he spoke at Webster University… could we hide a katana blade in our pants and apply as extras… there was just one huge problem. Jason seemed like a really cool guy and god-damn it, we love his movies.

And so our Death Wish tapered off as we decided that any ninja movie is good for the entire beloved ninja industry as a whole. I wasn’t thinking about it as I walked through the airport, past the lighting crews and catering; as I sat down to snag a bite before boarding a plane for work. Assassination was not even on my mind as I recognized a crew member who I had worked with on some commercial shoots. “What are you up to?”, I asked.

“Oh just helping JR out here on the film.” I turned and there he was. Jason Reitman. Accessible as anyone and just really chilled out for someone directing a 50 million dollar movie.

“Mind if I introduce myself?” I opened my side pocket and pulled out the ninja star… “Mr. Reitman, my name is Jeremy Corray and I am a local filmmaker and I just wanted to thank you for coming to St. Louis and shoot this movie. I got a hold of the script and gotta say it really worked. I couldn’t make it through the novel but you made it a movie. Much respect, sir.”

“Cool thanks, man.”

“Oh and I also have to say I too have a ninja comedy that I am working on and just wanted to give you this.”

I hand him the rubber ninja star stamped Quality Ninja Services – Safe – Discrete- FullTimeNinjas.com.

“Wow you really are working on a ninja movie. Well, I am extremely behind on mine so I think you are going to beat me to it.”

“Fair enough. May the awesomest ninja win.”

And then I finished my panini and hopped on the plane. I had to check my katana blade at the gate though as it wouldn’t fit in overhead…

Thank you to Gary Anthony Williams, Hilari Scarl and everyone who worked their tails off, putting together an amazing event. Special nods and rounds of applause to: Jeff Coe, Ryan Churchill, Atom.com, The Onion, Funny or Die, Sean Astin, David Berenbaum, William Savage, Eric Cheevers, The OnCar guys, Richard Kuhlman & Deb Hiett, Koog, Wonder Woman, Supergirl… and a special nod to Eric Christian Olsen for being a steakhouse ninja.  There are many other people I would like to list, but there are just too many to name.  I’m sure Jeremy will remind me of plenty of other people.  My apologies.